Hello, hello and welcome to the first quarter final of the World Cup of Christmas Sandwiches. Before we get started, there were actually two reviews yesterday, in case you got confused and missed one. Jamie Oliver v Poundland and a bonus review of Starbucks, which I ate as a back up sandwich because making this World Cup thing has been more complicated than it ever should have been.
Back to our first quarter final and today we have a Turkey Feast by regular favourite Boots, who easily saw off Costa in the first round, and a Turkey Feast by the supermarket I have a soft spot for, Lidl, who banished the sandwich abomination by SOHO Coffee Co. back to whichever hell dimension it crawled out from.
It’s a tough match – a sandwich I usually love versus the supermarket that was the only place I went to for many months when I was unemployed during lockdown with the excitement of seeing what was in it’s ever changing middle aisle shining bright as a beacon of hope and wonderment in the darkness of some trying times. But none of that matters now, which one is the best sandwich? Which one of two hot contenders do we say goodbye to? Well I’m afraid it’s…
REVIEW: Turkey Feast by Boots
Cooked turkey breast with mayonnaise, cranberry chutney, smoke flavour, sweetcured bacon, pork, sage and onion stuffing and fired onions on malted bread.
Look at that orange packaging! It certainly stands out in a sea of red and green Christmas sandwich packaging. As does the smoke flavour in the list of ingedients. What is smoke flavour? Can’t you just smoke the bacon? Oh and another thing on the packaging that caught my eye? The little NEW in the top right hand corner. Do they know who they are dealing with? I’ve eaten and the reviewed the same sandwiches year on year on and off for 10 years for some stupid reason, I’ll be the judge of what is new and what is the same old shit.
As I suspected – it’s the same as last year! Except the packaging is now orange, not red. And I’ve only just noticed last year that it claimed to be NEW as well, but I didn’t have a turkey feast from Boots in 2020, so I can’t fact check them on this one. Well played, Boots. Keep me guessing.
Traditionally, Boots does surprisingly well in the sandwich reviews every year for a chemists that mainly sells make-up, and they’ve done it again. Sure, it’s a pretty standard Christmas sandwich with all the same ingredients and flavours as every other sandwich I’m reviewing this year, but the difference maker? That smoke flavour. We’ll never know what that smoke flavour is because I can’t be bothered to do a deep dive on it, but it’s good and lifts this sandwich slightly above most of the other sandwiches, enough to make it stand out. So there’s your secret to standing out, pre-packaged Christmas sandwich makers. Smoke flavour. And an orange box.
Unfortunately for Boots, as good as this sandwich is, it came up against an even stronger contender this year! Yes, Lidl have beaten hot favourite Boots. Maybe the new orange packaging was inspired by perennial World Cup favourites who never quite make it, the Netherlands! Wow, I’ve brought it back round to football, so that might be a good time to talk about the predictions league a bit more.
I couldn’t be bothered to do a deep dive on the smoke flavour in the Boots sandwich, but I could be bothered to do a deep(ish) dive on the later stages of the predictions league before the World Cup semi finals start tonight. Here’s the table as it stands:
Now let’s look at some top contenders to win the league and the predictions they have made for the semi finals and final.
- Dave Lowe: Has predicted an impossible Germany v Portugal final. Can only get points if France finish 3rd.
- Matt H (me): I’ve predicted an Argentina v France final with France winning, so could potentially win mega points (and my own trophy).
- Carly: Predicted a Brazil v France final (Brazil win) with Argentina third, so some potential points for her.
- Jay: Exactly the same as Carly, so unable to win.
- Ben: Germany v England final with Belgium third so getting absolutely no more points.
- Micky Blue: Exactly the same as Carly, so unable to win.
- Triona: Argentina v Spain final with Argentina to win. So if Argentina win, could potentially win the whole thing!
- Everyone else: No chance.
So there you have it, I think it’s between Dave Lowe, Carly, Triona and myself. Here’s what we need to win:
- Dave Lowe: Croatia v Morocco final, France finish 3rd.
- Me: France win, ideally France v Argentina final.
- Carly: France lose to Croatia in the final, Argentina 3rd.
- Triona: Argentina win. France finishing 4th would help, not entirely sure what France being in the final would do because I didn’t dive deep enough to start doing maths.
I am pretty worried about my chances of winning my own trophy! And if you’re a betting man person, surely Argen-Triona looks like a tasty outside bet. You can sort your own odds out amongst yourselves.
Let’s see how Argentina get on against Croatia tonight and look at how it affects the league tomorrow, along with the Rye Cafe v Sainsbury’s sandwich quarter final. There’s a lot going on!
Christmas Sandwich Reviews 