Match 1: Costa v Boots

Well here we are, the first review this year under the convoluted World Cup format. If you missed the live draw last night, you can rewatch it here:

Yes, I know Instagram did some weird mirror mode thing.

And so today we have the first match: British Turkey Feast by Costa v Turkey Feast by Boots.

In the new format, the loser of each match will be reviewed and the winning sandwich will advance to the next round. And today’s loser is:

REVIEW: British Turkey Feast by Costa

Turkey breast, pork, sage and onion stuffing, mayonnaise, cranberry sauce and maple cured bacon on malted bread

Yes, the handful of voters on my Instagram story were correct and today’s loser is Costa.

The British Turkey Feast! Take that, Europe! The Brexit voters really got away with it, didn’t they? We all predicted rising costs and food shortages after Brexit because it was fucking obvious but they got a pandemic and a war in Europe to shove the blame onto, those lucky gammon faced bastards.

[BBC News update at 1pm after I pressed publish:

I fucking knew it! Champion of the people The Christmas Sandwich Review Blog is right again!]

I checked last year’s review to see if the sandwich ingredients had changed, and they have. Slightly. What I didn’t notice last year though was that it was called British Turkey Feast then as well! But the ‘British’ was in a small, squiggly font and not in a font big and bold enough to firebomb a migrant centre. Also, I was very hungover and in a cinema for last year’s review and I wasn’t fully with it so could’ve easily missed a small detail like that. Hang on, it’s been called a British Turkey Feast in all the other reviews on this site except for last year! What if we read every review ever made on this website? Is it a mess of contradictions, forgotten half-truths and hypocrisy everywhere? I would put good money on that.

Anyway, back to this year and the first thing I’m going to mention is last year, again. Last year, likely due to a hangover and likely due to the sandwich being on the shelf for a while as I bought it right before Christmas, the sandwich was as dry as old arseholes. This year, it’s a mush. Yes, they have gone too far the other way on the moist-o-meter and we’re into Christmas paste territory, which I always say I’d love but only if I had agreed to eating paste beforehand. On this occasion, I did not agree to eating mush. I agreed to a British turkey feast. Maybe with the current wave of bird flu killing all the turkeys just before Christmas and leading to a potential British turkey shortage, this is a very symbolic sandwich as you may be eating turkey dregs this year, but I also didn’t agree to eating symbolism either. A poor showing from Costa and they are out. Congratulations to Boots, our first quarter finalist.

And finally, we should probably talk about the World Cup predictions league as the group stages are beginning to come to an end.

There have been some changes near the top of the table, with Murray consolidating top spot and me creeping up to 2nd place which I am both happy about but also not happy about, I honestly don’t want my own trophy. And just below us, there is a quite a fight shaping up with Carly and Ross steadily working their way up the table above Rolfey. Of course, this could all change in an instant, it just takes one upset and one crazy prediction to win mega points. There is a long way to go!

See you tomorrow for SOHO Coffee Co. vs Lidl.


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