Match 8: Jamie Oliver v Poundland

Yes everyone, we did it. Well, I did it, I got my dream match up, Jamie Oliver versus Poundland. I managed to get them both for the same lunch on Saturday for a true head to head taste test in the last match of the first round of the World Cup of Christmas Sandwiches.

The winner of this match will move on to face Morrisons in the quarter finals so who is it going to be? Will Jamie’s Christmas Turkey Feast by Jamie Oliver from the Shell garage go through? Or will the Turkey Feast by Poundland cause a major upset in the spirit of the actual 2022 football World Cup? I mean upset as in smaller teams beating bigger, more established teams, not the upsetting human rights violations and vulgar displays of hypocrisy and corporate greed.

Is there going to be an upset? There is only one way to find out…

REVIEW: Turkey Feast by Poundland

Butter basted turkey with Lincolnshire pork sausage, cranberry sauce, mayonnaise, pork, onion and sage stuffing, smoke flavoured bacon and red onion on buttered malted bread.

Yes, I’m afraid I got caught up in the romance of the idea of Poundland beating Jamie Oliver without thinking about how unrealistic that actually is. I didn’t even look back to last year’s Poundland review, which would’ve told me a lot as their sandwich is identical to last year, ingredients and packaging and disappointment and everything. One thing that wasn’t identical though was that the bread wasn’t dry as old arseholes. The filling, however, was just a horrible mush again. Far too much mayonnaise which, apart from a hint of sage, was the predominant flavour.

I hyped this battle up but I’m afraid it was an easy win for Jamie Oliver. If you did make a bet on Poundland, you never had a chance. At least we have our full quarter final lined up now, and it all starts tomorrow with Boots versus Lidl, which I have to say are two pretty decent sandwiches. Here’s a recap of all the results so far in visual form.

Somehow I deleted my original photoshop file with all the layers for this which is why it looks a bit cack but most of you don’t care and this is all free content for you anyway so don’t complain just enjoy the Jamie Oliver head

The football was also back over the weekend. After Friday’s games, not much had changed as no one in our little league seems to have predicted Croatia making it to the semi finals, although plenty of people predicted Argentina getting there. Then it was more of the same on Saturday as no one in the history of any of the infinite alternate realities that exist predicted Morocco getting into the semi finals and we aren’t talking about the other game that a very handsome French dreamboat ruined but that didn’t have much of an effect either, the only big shift being someone called Jay coming out of nowhere and into 4th place. I have no idea who that is. Although I only vaguely know who Dave Lowe is and I might be sending him a trophy.

I have been having a nose through people’s predictions and working out who our potential champions are, so I might do a deep dive on that tomorrow before the semi finals get underway. I might not though, I’ve always been pretty lazy and my attention span was destroyed further during the lockdowns, so please never rely on me to finish anything that requires effort. See you tomorrow!


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