Match 5: Pret v Waitrose

Yes, today it’s the middle class derby. The battle of the ‘ooh have you tried this one yet?’ Sandwiches, as if either of them are something special and not just a pre-made refrigerated sandwich made in a factory just like the ones in Poundland that the people you don’t like are eating. Why don’t you like them? You both voted Brexit and for Boris, but you’ve got more in common with each other than you have with Jacob Rees-Mogg. You should be standing with them to rise up and change the system!

Anyway, I digress. Today it’s Pret’s Christmas Lunch by Pret vs Turkey, Stuffing and Bacon by Waitrose. See? Even the names are pretentious, they’re just turkey feasts like all the other sandwiches. You should be ashamed of yourself.

And the loser of the middle class derby is…

REVIEW: Pret’s Christmas Lunch by Pret

Thick slices of British turkey with port & orange cranberry sauce, herby pork stuffing and baby spinach leaves. Finished with a dab of free range mayo and crispy onions.

Like the SOHO Coffee Co. sandwich, I ate this in Liverpool Street station after work before going home and having dinner, risking both missing my train and my health for you, my loyal readers!

Last year, the Pret sandwich contained a tiny bit of filling at the ‘window end’ of the sandwich and they packed the rest of it with spinach. This year, they have packed a tiny bit of filling at the front again but removed most of the spinach from behind, so I was left with just a half empty sandwich. These photos I took outside the Royal Academy in 2019 (and I called you pretentious earlier) illustrate the Pret sandwich perfectly.

Pret’s Christmas Lunch by Pret, yesterday

If this happened once, then it’s just a sandwich maker having a bad day, but two years in a row from two different Pret shops is not a coincidence. They are trying to hoodwink us. Pret’s sandwiches are a rotten swizz.

What little food there was in the sandwich was actually pretty tasty, the port sauce genuinely a stand out flavour in a December of sandwiches tasting all the same, but this was eaten at 6pm and I have no idea how long it had been on the shelf but it was long enough for the crispy onions to be soggy and flaccid. Flaccid onions quickly brought me back down to Earth (maybe a name for an album).

A freshly made sandwich with crispy onions and some actual food in it might have been a contender to win this year. As it is, it’s a half empty flaccid sandwich and it’s genuinely annoying to be ripped off by yet another company that doesn’t give a shit. On Saturday I was out with friends for dinner and the restaurant took 45 minutes to bring up cold starters (and only after we asked where the starters were) and then after being sat down for two hours brought over sharing platters with raw food on them (again, only after being asked where the food was). And in that two hours asked us if we wanted any drinks just once. And I’ve got to send my headphones I bought in February back to Apple for repair for a third time because they won’t charge. Just give me a new pair or my money back!

Give us your money and fuck off, the corporate motto of 2022. Well they can all fuck off too, and Pret can fuck right off out of the World Cup of Christmas sandwiches.

In football news, not too much has changed as no one in this universe predicted Morocco beating Spain to get to the quarter finals. I missed extra time in this game as it was late night Christmas shopping night in Ashtead village, but I did see replays of the penalties just after they finished as we had already been in Ashtead’s two shops by then and noticed that the members only Ashtead Village club was open to non-members so had to go in for a nose around and they had the telly on. £6 for a pint and a red wine! Lovely.

See? I am salt of the Earth!

Then Portugal got through, which has kept Dave Lowe top, pushed me up into 2nd again and brought Ben up to 3rd. It’s all to play for as we get into the quarter finals, but all that isn’t happening until the weekend so it’ll just be Sandwich reviews for you until I have some predictions league to talk about on Monday. And with that in mind, it’s time for the big reveal of who Tesco will be facing in the World Cup of Christmas Sandwiches tomorrow. Tesco will be going against….

Caffè Nero!

See you then.

UPDATE: I saw immediately after publishing that I spelt Waitrose incorrectly in the Pret v Waitrose image but I simply cannot be bothered to do anything about it so well done for spotting it but you don’t need to tell me. If you mention it you are a nonce. If you have mentioned it before reading this paragraph, gutted, we all know now.

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