Match 6: Tesco v Caffè Nero

Once again we are back to a battle between two Turkey Feasts, but today we have two very contrasting styles. Reliable old workhorse supermarket Tesco versus a fancy focaccia from coffee shop for wankers* Caffè Nero. A classic clash of styles, but there can only be one loser and today that loser is:

REVIEW: Turkey Feast by Caffè Nero

Butter basted turkey, cranberry sauce, mayonnaise, beechwood smoked bacon and Italian-style pork stuffing in a rosemary and rock salt focaccia

This is one of those occasions where my missus was heading out and I asked her to bring back a Christmas turkey sandwich and she got me something fancy looking from Caffè Nero.

And I have to say, the rosemary and rock salt focaccia is very nice! The Christmassy ingredients are also very nice, very moist and you can taste the butter on the butter basted turkey. What’s that? Is your but-sense tingling? Wait, that doesn’t sound right. Can you feel a but coming? Wait, that also sounds gross. Okay, do you think, after those good comments, there might be a use of the word “but” and then a transition to some bad comments? You are correct! Here it comes…


The focaccia to filling ratio is way off! As I said, the bread is nice. Great, in fact, because I love rosemary but there is far too much of it and it drowns out the admittedly very tasty turkey, cranberry, stuffing et al. What a shame, this was a sandwich heading for greatness but it is just a bit too bready for my liking. Not in a Pret ‘there’s no filling way’, those money grabbing bastards. There is plenty of filling, but there is even more bread. And when you’re up against a solid, reliable Turkey Feast from Tesco you simply cannot afford to make mistakes as Tesco will plod just ahead of you and win. I feel bad for Caffè Nero, they were so close but someone has to lose and today it was them.

There’s no actual World Cup to talk about today and pad out the word count to increase ad revenue on the blog. Damn! Did you notice the adverts on the blog this year after all my moaning about evil money grabbing corporations and their despicable greed? Well don’t worry, the Democratic People’s Socialist Christmas Sandwich Review Blog hasn’t sold out that much, take a look at these cool figures.

And they pay out at $100 dollars so for god’s sake please keep coming back, year after year whilst I eat the same sandwiches and find something to write about them again and again and again. Wait, I know what will get you back! What if I reveal tomorrow’s two wildcard sandwiches? Okay then, tomorrow it is going to be:

Co-op vs Morrisons

And if that doesn’t bring you back, I don’t know what will. Some nudity? Probably not. Implied nudity? With a Christmas sandwich just over my bits? Maybe. See you tomorrow.

*All coffee shops are for wankers, not just Caffè Nero.


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