REVIEW: No Turkey Feast by M&S

Marinated roasted soya protein with an onion and sage dressing, cranberry chutney, fried onions and spinach on malted brown bread.

Welcome back! So what did you think of yesterday’s lacklustre review? It’s been suggested that I have run out of steam already…and that is correct! What’s the point of all this? Especially when to avoid eating the same old things again, I ended up eating a carrot and mush sandwich. A perfectly nice carrot and mush sandwich, but a not Christmassy in any way carrot and mush sandwich. But today is a brand new day! It’s not pissing down, I’m not hungover, I went to the gym before work, life is good so we go again.

An actual real-life vegan told me that M&S are doing a good Christmas sandwich this year and although my first instinct would be to not trust a vegan, the nearest two sandwich places to the office are either M&S or a tiny WHSmith in the station. I remember last years sandwich from Smiths having the texture of 80s fish paste and they are unlikely to do anything veggie, let alone vegan, so M&S it is.

In the shop, the vegan sandwich was right next to some sort of 3 bird roast sandwich so this was a real test of my willpower. But the important thing he is that M&S have tried to replicate their usually pretty good turkey sandwich with vegan ingredients, so we have a true comparison. Let’s see just how horrible it is!

The turkey has been replaced with marinated roasted soya protein, JUST LIKE MUMMA USED TO MAKE. And there’s no stuffing – surely stuffing can be vegan? But despite all of this, it isn’t bad. It tastes like a low-end Christmas turkey sandwich – like something non-brand you’d get in a corner shop. You can tell that the soy isn’t turkey but otherwise, everything is present and correct. If the future is the millennials in charge and legally enforcing veganism on us all, it’s not as bad as I feared. I for one welcome our meat-free genderless overlords. Also, veganism will be the least of our worries as Christmas will be banned because it is problematic and we will have all been sent to the gulag for wrongthink long before the revolution is over.