REVIEW: British Turkey Feast by Costa (2017)

£3.50 – Sliced turkey breast, Cumberland sausage and British smoked streaky with sage and onion stuffing, mayonnaise and cranberry sauce on malted bread.

Yes my friends, the 11 month wait is finally over! Behold your first Christmas sandwich review of 2017. Today also marks the first time I have been out of the house with only my blue tooth headphones and my watch and bought something from a shop with no cash or credit card on me. Yes that’s right, I have done something that wanky people have already been doing for months, maybe years. THE WANKY FUTURE IS NOW.

Today’s review is from Costa. That wasn’t the original plan. Originally I went for a very short, very slow run (hence just the headphones and watch) to Sainsbury’s. But Sainsbury’s had already run out of Christmas sandwiches. Is everybody else blogging about them now? So I went to Gregg’s and they had already sold out of their famous Christmas toastie. The next closest was Marks and Spencer, but I couldn’t go in there because the Big Issue lady was outside. I bought a copy off her a couple of Christmases ago and she gave me a big hug. Now, whenever I see her, she comes over and gives me another big hug. I’m not really the huggy sort with people I know, so I spend quite a bit of my life dodging Marks and Spencer unless I plan on also buying a copy of the Big Issue and being hugged. And I definitely had to avoid the hugging today because I was completely cashless. Now, I realise that saying you regularly dodge the Big Issue lady in the same breath as boasting about your watch/headphone set up that cost hundreds of pounds is very crass, but this is the world we live in now. Go on Twitter. There are thousands of people who live with their parents and have no discernible income, but somehow can afford an £800 phone which they use to talk about redistributing wealth and complain how life isn’t fair. We are all monsters now. Especially you.

Anyway, the next place en route was Costa. Now, look at the list of ingredients at the top. Is that exactly the same as last year? Even the price? Yes, except for the word beechwood. What wood was the bacon smoked with this year? We’ll never know. But despite making no effort whatsoever, it still has NEW written on it. Emperor’s new British Turkey Feast.

So how is the sandwich? Honestly, it’s the same as last year, just read that review. A solid, reliable rectangular sandwich, but nothing special.

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