REVIEW: Turkey Feast by Sainsbury’s (2017)

£2.30 – Butter basted British turkey breast, British pork and chestnut stuffing, maple cured smoked British bacon, cranberry and port sauce, mayonnaise with spinach on malted bread.

Hooray, Sainsbury’s got their act together today and had some Christmas sandwiches. I went back to Sainsbury’s because it’s the easiest to get to without the Big Issue lady hugging me. The Sainsbury’s, Greggs and M&S near me form a sort of triangle, and that’s her territory, patrolling the area waiting to pounce and dish out hugs at any minute. To get to Sainsbury’s you only have to walk along the border where it is usually safe, but M&S is pretty much the belly of the beast. I’m sure you’ll get to read about some awkward hugging later this month.

I also took the opportunity to do a bit of a shop, which included booze and brought up that age old dilemma – go queue at the basket only till so you can breeze through without an age check, or go to the queue-less self-checkout and risk a load of dicking about for booze approval. Unfortunately I chose self-checkout. My first issue came when the machine refused to believe the weight of the first item. APPROVAL NEEDED. Then a barcode simply wouldn’t scan or be typed in, so I had to wait for that. Then, the booze approval. Just as I turned to look for my beloved approver, some hipster twat had already got her. Now before we get into this, I’m aware I am a beardy, craft beer drinking wanker, but I like to think of myself as a crap goth/Essex boy/fat nerd/hipster hybrid. This guy was full blown hipster.

Massive Peaky Blinders hat, thick rim glasses, big beard, green bomber jacket (which admittedly I also have), insanely skinny jeans turned up so you can see his socks. And for some reason his machine refused to take his coins. APPROVAL NEEDED. But he kept putting them back in, and the approver was helping him. APPROVAL NEEDED. Why couldn’t he just pay by card like a normal 2017 human? APPROVAL NEEDED. I don’t know, perhaps he handcrafted sustainable bespoke coins. APPROVAL NEEDED. But he wouldn’t give up. APPROVAL NEEDED. I waited for about 5 mins until I could no longer take my machine barking APPROVAL NEEDED at me and stepped in. Hey, I’ve got a blog to write, I can’t keep you guys waiting. Surely someone like him knows how important blogs are, he must have written a few reviews and think pieces in his time. “Why Super Mario is problematic and a reflection of the internalised misogyny and rise of the far right in our society”.

Anyway enough moaning. I made it through the hugging Bermuda triangle untouched and here we are. But wait! Is this sandwich also exactly the same as last year’s? Yep. Maybe leaving 3 year gaps on the blog due to apathy was the smart move. Am I going to review exactly the same sandwiches again for a month this year? I guess I am. It gets me out of the house.

So like last year – it’s not a bad sandwich, but the layer of spinach is just too thick so the main texture in every bite is that slightly squeaky uncooked spinach texture. You don’t even have spinach at Christmas* so why do so many places use it? What the hell is going on?





*We don’t in my family, and my family is obviously the place where all Christmas traditions started and if you are doing things differently you are a literal Hitler. Did you know that most marriages end over Christmas traditions as it is the one thing most people are strangely belligerent about?

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