Whilst writing a load of guff for the Euro 2024 Predictions Competition, I realised that I had drafted a list of rankings for the 2023 Christmas Sandwiches but simply couldn’t be bothered to pad it out with some more words when I was overwhelmed by apathy, ennui, a cold and a month of hangovers in December. So here I am, finishing it off on the train to work on a Monday morning in June. I’m counting this as another personal project completed.

Below is a list of the 2023 Christmas Sandwiches from bestest to worstest. Remember, finishing above The Tesco Benchmark is where all Christmas sandwiches should strive to be in this list.

1. Proper Boxing Day by Crunch – simply incredible.

2. Festive Toasty by The Rye Cafe – the sausage just helps this beat Melt to 2nd place.

3. The Rudolph by Melt – melted cheese and golden bread, what’s not to like?

4. Ultimate Christmas Sarnie by Picky Bits – big and stuffed full of quality ingredients.

5. Smoked Turkey Sandwich by Gail’s – not Christmassy but great.

6. Chicken and Christmas Slaw by Sainsbury’s – good gravy!

7. Turkey & Trimmings by Tesco – solid as ever.

8. Christmas Dinner Panini by Old Moat Garden Centre – overpowered by cheese (the title of your sex tape).

9. Turkey Feast by Lidl – ruined by chewy bacon (the title of your second sex tape).

10. Festive Club Stack by Garsons – a good non-Christmas sandwich ruined by becoming a Christmas sandwich.

Disqualified: Go Big Or Go Ho Ho Home by BrewDog – not a sandwich. Burger.

Bye!