10 years ago, on the 250th anniversary of the invention of the sandwich, I started an ironic Christmas Sandwich Review blog. It died for a while but when it came back, my unique blend of semi-ironic sandwich reviews, ranting and insights into a bored man’s life has gained a small but loyal following.
8 years ago, I created a World Cup predictions league and offered a funny trophy to the winner and have done so for every World Cup or Euros tournament since.
These are the only two (small) internet success stories of my life. Did you know Tesco once paid me to review a sandwich? These are also the only creative projects I ever get excited messages about. “When’s the predictor starting?” “Have you tired this Christmas sandwich yet?”
Well, thanks to boiling hot, being gay is illegal but we’re oil rich Qatar buying themselves a World Cup in the winter, and the thousands of migrant workers that have died building the infrastructure for it (which Qatar authorities says isn’t many really, the horrible cunts), I get to combine the two projects this year.
In years past, we have had:
- The World Cup Predict-o-tron
- Das Ist Mega Euros
- In Soviet Russia World Cup Predicts You
- The Brexit Super League 2020(+1)
And this year, we have:
The Christmas Sandwich Review Blog 10 Year Anniversary Championship
Before we reveal this year’s trophy, lets meet the previous winners with their own glorious trophies.
Look at those trophies! But this year, as the World Cup coincides with the festive season, you could be the lucky owner of:
The Golden Christmas Sandwich Trophy
AKA The Sarnie. Yes this one of a kind trophy, made by me, could be yours by taking part in a simple guessing game.
The prediction league is run through a website called Copabet. It’s free. You can register and join my league here: http://www.copabet.com/groups/christmas-sandwich-cup
The password for my league is: turkeyfeast
All of the instructions are on the website and you have to predict everything, all the way up to and including the final before the deadline at 3pm CET on the 20th November. I recommend doing it way before then in case you have any problems.
The website, it’s rules and instructions, and how it all works have nothing to do with me. So if you fuck it up and don’t finish all your predictions in time or don’t join my league or you spell your email wrong or you say something racistand get banned, don’t moan to me. I will just send you this paragraph to read again. Take your time and read the fucking instructions.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHRISTMAS SANDWICH REVIEWS?!
I have had nearly a year to think about how to tie the sandwich reviews in with the World Cup predictions. In this years expanded World Cup format, there are 32 teams. I will not be reviewing 32 sandwiches. But the knockout stages of the tournament involve 16 teams, which is much more manageable. In fact, last year I reviewed 15 before Christmas and there was a bonus review on Boxing Day, so I can do this!
And those 16 sandwiches will be going head to head in a knockout tournament where I will post reviews of the losing sandwiches in each round until there is only one sandwich standing. Yes, it’s tenuous. Yes, it’s derivative of the World Cup of Crisps rubbish mum’s favourite Richard Osman does on twitter. Yes, this is all I have got after a year to come up with something. But here we are.
As is tradition, the sandwich stuff won’t be starting until December, so if you hate football you can probably ignore any posts in November about the predictions league.
And before we go, I also wanted to include some sort of charity link for the thousands of workers who have died for this World Cup, but couldn’t find anything. Amnesty International have more information here: https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/campaigns/2022/05/fifa-time-to-compensate-migrant-workers-in-qatar and a petition here: https://www.amnesty.org/en/petition/its-time-to-pay-up
As much as I’ll be watching the football and you’ll be reading reviews of me eating sandwiches, whilst we do I think it’s also important to bear all of the bad shit in mind and think about how money and corporate greed ruin everything. Merry Christmas, everyone!
Christmas Sandwich Reviews 