SPONSORED REVIEW: Turkey Tikka with Onion Bhaji by Tesco

“But you’ve already done Tesco”. Quiet you entitled swine. Here I am, (almost) everyday spending my own hard-earned cash on sandwiches for a couple of people to read about and yet you still demand more from me. Well, that’s all about to change! I don’t need you any more, I’ve made it. For the first time since 2013, I have been given something to review. That’s right, the good people of Tesco have asked me to review something. I know, I can’t believe it either! But here is the proof.

And they sent me a £3 voucher. I wonder if they bothered to read the review of their sandwich. Either way, I don’t care. I am an internet influencer now and qualify for Celebrity Big Brother.

But this newfound fame is also the reason there were no reviews from Wednesday – Friday last week. On Wednesday, armed with my precious voucher, I went to the Tesco Metro in Canary Wharf to find this fabled Yorkshire pudding wrap but they only had turkey sandwiches, turkey rolls and turkey wraps. All with pretty much the same ingredients. Never mind, there are plenty more Tescos in the sea. So on Thursday, I tried both Tesco Metros in Tooting. Only turkey sandwiches again. On Friday I simply couldn’t be bothered, so we come to Sunday. On Sunday I tried one by Lambeth North tube station (where they had run out of turkey sandwiches) and then another one outside Waterloo where I found the Turkey Tikka wrap. That’ll do pig I thought to myself and here we are. In fact, the mythical Yorkshire pudding wrap didn’t even have a space on the shelf in the five Tescos I had tried. Is this is it Tesco? You dangle £3 in front of me and send me on a wild goose chase in an attempt to hijack my sandwich blog? Is that how this works you ars…oh wait they are paying for this. Wonderful lovely Tesco.

So I went for a meal deal to get the most bang for my buck and picked up an ‘iced’ tea and beef hula hoops. I have a weird thing with beef hula hoops. Ever since I was a kid I try to get the whole pack in my mouth and mush them up in the sides of my mouth like a hamster until there is just a big ball of potato mush with an intense beef flavour. And I still do it. I don’t do this with any other crisps or any other hula hoop flavours. If you know why this is, please share with the group. Onto the wrap!



Indian spiced tortilla, turkey, onion bhaji and spinach with a tikka mayonnaise dressing.

It’s good. The generic curry flavour is nice, and there is a bit of crunch from the bhaji. But does it need to be turkey? Is it a Christmas wrap? Why have I wasted my time on this rather than getting a sandwich from M&S, EAT, Starbucks and a few other regulars? Oh yeah, because TESCO PAID ME TO REVIEW A SANDWICH. Take note, other shops.

That’ll do for this year. Have a good non-denominational winter period.

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