REVIEW: Festive Footlong by Aldi

As you may already know, I had this sandwich on Sunday. I got up, went for my booster jab and then went off to Aldi.

Whilst I was doing my 10 minutes of sitting down after my jab to make sure I didn’t combust or whatever, I noticed some other people sitting down had “I’ve been vaccinated” stickers (or something like that, I couldn’t read them) and they were taking selfies. Obviously these weren’t children, but fully grown adults who are presumably 30+. It’s a strange world we live in now. The internet had so much potential for knowledge sharing and improving humanity, but once Web 2.0 came along and gave the common man the ability to post online, it’s all one massive insane vanity project where all you do is try to impress your friends and hope you get that one post that gets you on the news. And I include a man reviewing sandwiches every December for a handful of likes and comments in this (although Tesco did pay me to review a sandwich that one time so I guess I’ve already had my moment). The rules seem different in America though, where social media seems to be used solely to stoke the flames of an upcoming race war. Those fuckers need to calm down.

ANYWAY, I went to Aldi and they had a dedicated section on the shelf for their festive sandwiches, and whilst I was deciding between yet another turkey feast, pigs in blankets or brie and cranberry, I looked down to the bottom shelf and saw the Festive Footlong! A footlong roll with a footlong sausage wrapped in bacon. Aldi you mad men! See Subway, you can sell sausages in Tooting (I double checked when I walked past my Subway on the way to Aldi and they definitely aren’t doing the Tiger Pig or whatever it was called).

I carried it home and left on the side for an hour until lunchtime so it wasn’t gross and cold, because it does look like it could be gross if it is cold, but I’m happy to report that it’s good. It is huge though, the sort of size where you need to crush it a bit before taking a bite because for some people might be a jaw locker. If you know me IRL (in real life), I might look like I have a small mouth with kissy lips, but my mouth is deceptive – the entrance might be small but it has a great capacity (which is sounds either gross or erotic depending on who you are). I had no problem with this and really got into it.

Looking at this beast, I was worried there would be too much bun – if you’ve ever had a hotdog at the Emirates stadium you know what I mean, all bun no sausage and you feel ripped off. But on Aldi’s Festive Footlong, it seems to be about right and as it is brioche it has that nice sweetness to it. I would say it’s a shame there is no stuffing, but it has most of the good flavours I’m after – cranberry, bacon and mayo all working together well. It does all feel a bit dirty, and it would definitely be better if it was served hot, but I’m happy with it.

I left the ingredients until last today because I always write them out after I’ve eaten (a little insight into the magic behind the blog for you there). A lot of pre-packaged sandwiches have two lists of ingredients on the packaging – the fancy marketing ones on the front and the real ones on the back. Generally, there isn’t much difference, just a bit more flowery language on the front. I only read the marketing ones on the front today before I ate it, which are:

Fully loaded brioche roll with butter basted shredded turkey & pig in blanket, with crispy onions, parsley, mayo & a chunky cranberry sauce.

Sounds good, right? Now compare and contrast with the ingredients on the back that I have just looked at whilst typing this up:

Cooked pork sausage with beef collagen casing wrapped in bacon with cooked shredded butter basted turkey breast, cranberry chutney, mayonnaise, fried onions and parsley in brioche hot-dog roll.

I have always been aware that sausages are gross but taste great, ever since a teacher tried to shock us with the truth and it didn’t stop me eating them for one second, but did they have to mention the beef collagen casing? Could they have just said beef and pork sausages? Oh well, I still don’t care. Just ignore it and dig in.