REVIEW: 3 Course Festive Feast by Lidl

Well look what Lidl have gone and done. When this blog started (8 fucking years ago), I had a rule that I was only going to review turkey sandwiches and I have only broken that rule in the vegan year (2018) or when I have to pick something else out of desperation. Well today kind of fits in all categories – there’s a turkey sandwich in there, but there’s also other stuff and it was all Lidl had, so I had no choice (they did have a turkey wrap but I’m not a perfumed wrap ponce). But do you know what? Fuck the rules – yesterday I ate the same Tesco sandwich that I have eaten for 5 years, so maybe it’s time to try all these Christmas variations. I make no promises for this year and will eat whatever Christmas sandwiches I find, but we’ll see what happens.

Being unemployed for most of the lockdown, going to Lidl has been my main ‘getting out of the house’. Go for a run, to the little Tesco or to Lidl, then back into one of the 3 rooms in the flat. Every now and then I’d treat myself by going to the Post Office. What a wonderful year it’s been. At least I have the blog and my precious 7 readers now, all on tenterhooks waiting to see what a 39-year-old man might have for his lunch next.

British turkey breast, pork, sage and onion stuffing, cranberry sauce, mayonnaise, British Beechwood smoked bacon and crispy fried onions on malted bread.
Prawns with seasoned mayonnaise on oatmeal bread.
Red Leicester cheese, apple and pear chutney, mature cheddar cheese, lettuce, cream cheese and seasoned mayonnaise on oatmeal bread.

Do you see what they’ve done with this sandwich? They made a sandwich for each Christmas course:

  • Prawn cocktail to start
  • Turkey for main
  • A cheese board to finish

It’s just a shame that you can’t have a Christmas pudding sandwich really.

So let’s tackle them in order. The prawn mayonnaise sandwich tastes like any other shop bought prawn mayonnaise sandwich you’ve ever eaten, which is fine but I like a bit of spice and a bit of lettuce in my prawn cocktail. It’s Christmas, they could’ve pushed the boat out a bit!

The turkey feast. This is actually pretty good. There’s a very good balance between the savoury stuffing and the sweetness of the cranberry sauce, an improvement on the tasteless sauce of last year. They have removed the sausage this year, but you don’t miss it. It’s simple German efficiency – streamline the sandwich for better results. Lidl came 3rd last year so they are really trying to win this year!

Onto the cheese board and….oh dear. The thinnest slices of Red Leicester and cheddar I’ve ever seen, an overpowering (although quite nice) apple and pear chutney and the biggest crime of all – lettuce. Why wasn’t the lettuce in the prawn sandwich?! Overall it’s fine, but it could’ve been so much better and it’s an underwhelming end to my 3 courses. What a mixed bag. Solid starter, great main, disappointing cheese course.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
close-alt close collapse comment ellipsis expand gallery heart lock menu next pinned previous reply search share star