REVIEW: Festive Bake by Greggs

Well this wasn’t part of the plan! It’s certainly not a sandwich but let me explain…

I’m writing this on Saturday. I had my Christmas haircut booked for 3.30pm and so waddled down to the barber in the rain only to find out that my regular barber had been sent home mere minutes before I got there because her boyfriend tested positive for the COVID! So they said they’d rearrange my haircut for during the week because they are so busy with everyone getting a Christmas haircut, but of course there is a twist – I’m also booked for a beard tidy at 4.15pm with another barber. Yes I have two barbers for different parts of my head. Shut up.

So there’s 45 minutes to kill. Thanks to tier 3, I can’t go to the pub, there are no shops I want to go to in Tooting and I exhausted my sandwich options earlier in the week, so there was only one thing left to do – get a Festive Bake from Greggs because they don’t seem to have any Christmas sandwiches this year. And I’m really desperate for something to do – I’ve already eaten the bake and written this and I still have 30 minutes to kill!

I don’t go to Greggs very often (look I’ve already mentioned I’m a ponce with two barbers) so I don’t understand why there is always a big queue. Always, any time of day. It’s mental. But I queued up and here we go….

Chicken breast, sage & onion stuffing and sweetcure bacon in a creamy sage and cranberry sauce. All encased in golden puff pastry with a crunchy crumb topping

So I’m eating a festive bake, outside, in the fucking rain and it’s pretty good! A nice pocket of warm food to help me while away some time. I imagine this is pretty much the same as a chicken bake but with a bit of cranberry and a crunch on top of the pastry, because it certainly tastes like a chicken pasty made of grey mush like I’ve had in the past by Gingsters or at a train station. But I think it’s worth a go, especially if you’re the sort of basic no mask Brexit voter who thinks Greggs or Nandos is amazing. Yeah, you.

But what the fuck am I going to do for the remaining 30 minutes?!

UPDATE: Whilst sitting in the barber’s chair getting my beard trimmed, Boris announced the tier 4 lockdown. Yes, I was sitting in a barber’s chair, with a barber and all of their equipment but with no time for a haircut before they close whilst the prime minister announced that legally I cannot get a haircut in the near future once I leave that chair. As my barber put it, I had been “proper stitched up”. That just about sums this year up.

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