The Offical 2019 Christmas Sandwich Rankings

I know you just all want a simple list of sandwiches to read in order of preference, so here you go.

  1. Turkey Feast by Boots
  2. Pret’s Christmas Lunch by Pret
  3. Festive Turkey by Lidl
  4. Turkey Sandwich by City Cruises
  5. Turkey Fest by Aldi
  6. Turkey, Stuffing & Bacon by Waitrose
  7. Turkey & Trimmings by Tesco
  8. Turkey, Bacon & Cranberry by Sainsbury’s
  9. British Turkey Feast by Costa
  10. Christmas Lunch by Greggs

Who would’ve thought that Boots would top the table two years in a row?! And look at poor old Greggs going from second in 2017 to last now. Sort it out, Greggs.

The Christmas Sandwich Awards 2019

There will be rankings. Oh yes, there will be rankings. But before, let’s have some awards so that everyone feels special. To present the awards, I am handing over to special guest blogger, TOWIE’s Gemma Collins. Take it away, Gemma.


Thanks Gemma.

Best Overall Sandwich

Winner: Turkey Feast by Boots

Runner Up: Pret’s Christmas Lunch by… Pret (duh)

Smokiest Bacon Award

Turkey Feast by Boots

Least Original Name Award

Winner: Turkey Feast by AldiBoots, and Costa

Runner Up: Christmas Lunch by Pret and Greggs

Shall We Just Name It After The Filling Award

Winner: Turkey, Stuffing & Bacon by Waitrose

Highly Commended: Turkey, Bacon & Cranberry by Sainsbury’s

Most Shocking Good New Entry

Festive Turkey by Lidl

Most Boring Cunts for Churning Out The Same Sandwich for 4 Years And Driving Me to Veganism Last Year Most Valued Sponsor Award

Turkey & Trimmings by Tesco

Most Nautical Award

Turkey Sandwich by City Cruises


SPONSORED REVIEW: Turkey Tikka with Onion Bhaji by Tesco

“But you’ve already done Tesco”. Quiet you entitled swine. Here I am, (almost) everyday spending my own hard-earned cash on sandwiches for a couple of people to read about and yet you still demand more from me. Well, that’s all about to change! I don’t need you any more, I’ve made it. For the first time since 2013, I have been given something to review. That’s right, the good people of Tesco have asked me to review something. I know, I can’t believe it either! But here is the proof.

And they sent me a £3 voucher. I wonder if they bothered to read the review of their sandwich. Either way, I don’t care. I am an internet influencer now and qualify for Celebrity Big Brother.

But this newfound fame is also the reason there were no reviews from Wednesday – Friday last week. On Wednesday, armed with my precious voucher, I went to the Tesco Metro in Canary Wharf to find this fabled Yorkshire pudding wrap but they only had turkey sandwiches, turkey rolls and turkey wraps. All with pretty much the same ingredients. Never mind, there are plenty more Tescos in the sea. So on Thursday, I tried both Tesco Metros in Tooting. Only turkey sandwiches again. On Friday I simply couldn’t be bothered, so we come to Sunday. On Sunday I tried one by Lambeth North tube station (where they had run out of turkey sandwiches) and then another one outside Waterloo where I found the Turkey Tikka wrap. That’ll do pig I thought to myself and here we are. In fact, the mythical Yorkshire pudding wrap didn’t even have a space on the shelf in the five Tescos I had tried. Is this is it Tesco? You dangle £3 in front of me and send me on a wild goose chase in an attempt to hijack my sandwich blog? Is that how this works you ars…oh wait they are paying for this. Wonderful lovely Tesco.

So I went for a meal deal to get the most bang for my buck and picked up an ‘iced’ tea and beef hula hoops. I have a weird thing with beef hula hoops. Ever since I was a kid I try to get the whole pack in my mouth and mush them up in the sides of my mouth like a hamster until there is just a big ball of potato mush with an intense beef flavour. And I still do it. I don’t do this with any other crisps or any other hula hoop flavours. If you know why this is, please share with the group. Onto the wrap!



Indian spiced tortilla, turkey, onion bhaji and spinach with a tikka mayonnaise dressing.

It’s good. The generic curry flavour is nice, and there is a bit of crunch from the bhaji. But does it need to be turkey? Is it a Christmas wrap? Why have I wasted my time on this rather than getting a sandwich from M&S, EAT, Starbucks and a few other regulars? Oh yeah, because TESCO PAID ME TO REVIEW A SANDWICH. Take note, other shops.

That’ll do for this year. Have a good non-denominational winter period.

REVIEW: Turkey Sandwich by City Cruises

Well, well, well, this is a surprise entry. On Saturday we took my girlfriend’s mum out for an afternoon tea cruise down the Thames and when the sandwiches, cakes and scones came out in the standard stacked plates they were accompanied by a sneaky little side plate – “and this is the Christmas turkey sandwich”. How did they know?! Did they even do turkey sandwiches before they saw me queuing on the jetty? Quickly, the Christmas sandwich review blog guy is here, this is our chance to make it onto the blog and get some free advertising. What a smart move, another a third new entry on this year’s list. All these rookies crawling out of the woodwork are making my life a lot easier!

I am going to have to guess the list of ingredients for this one, but I can say for sure that there was turkey, stuffing, bacon, spinach, cranberry and some sort of mayonnaise. But only one triangle each, as is a tradition on afternoon tea. Do you know what isn’t tradition on afternoon tea? Only having a choice or pre-made tea or coffee poured from jugs. Where’s my chai tea? Or the bloody Mary tea? Yeah, that’s right, I’m a hipster and I want silly tea.


So onto the sandwich – and it was very good and pretty over stuffed. Nice consistency, all the flavours coming through well including the cranberry but there was one big flavour punching through – the bacon. It seriously tasted like bacon bits in the sandwich, and that’s great. Why has no one else done this? A nice salty hit of seriously crispy bacon. This might the missing ingredient for a lot of sandwiches.