I wasn’t really going to bother writing any blog posts for the Euro 24 predictions league aka Das Ist Mega Euros Vol.II, because a) it’s not Christmas so I’m not reviewing any sandwiches or anything and b) I couldn’t be bothered. But now I’m top of the league, I thought “what a good excuse to make this all about me!”

Yes, somehow I’m top after the group stages. As we all know, this is no guarantee for future success. Only last time, at the World Cup, I was predicting my victory at the semi final stage before falling at the last hurdle. I got a lot of points this time by guessing quite a big chunk of teams that would make the play offs.

People are saying the group stages have been a lot of fun at this tournament but, apart from Germany thrashing Scotland 5-1, I’ve somehow only really watched 0-0 and 1-1 draws and it’s been quite dull! I also got a lot of points from predicting England’s boring results, but I’d much rather they played some decent football rather than spending 90 minutes thinking “I could be looking at my phone”. But hey, we finished top of the group. Has Rishi Sunak claimed he helped with that yet? And said that Kier Starmer is secretly planning to keep Gareth Southgate as manager and play Harry Kane up front for the next 30 years and make you pay for it?

I’m also top of the work league, although I leave my job two days before the final so not sure if that disqualifies me from that one or not. Either way, I’ll finally have my freedom to fulfil my dream of losing all restraint and becoming that big Essex guy who orders lots of Chinese on Instagram. Bosh!