Pulled turkey, maple-cured bacon, pork, sage & onion stuffing, potato hash, sweet potato & pumpkin purée, cranberry & real ale chutney and spinach on rye bread.

Add another ‘fake news’ story to your list! Today I am actually out on my Christmas work do and I lined this up yesterday. Yes, it was another double sandwich day for you, my loyal readers. I was actually only buying this sandwich, but I popped into Tesco on the off chance and they had Christmas sandwiches, so that went up yesterday. Lucky for you guys, huh? Although now I have officially reviewed all sandwiches in the local vicinity so maybe your luck just ran out punks. Or maybe I have something planned for next week. You’ll just have to wait and see.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t like maple syrup. There I  said it.I don’t know why, I just don’t. Which is a fine reason for not liking something, so stick it up your chuff. Nonetheless, I am eating this for you. Yes, you. Not any of the other readers, it’s just you and me baby, riding off into the sunset shoving sandwiches in each other’s mouths you sexy pig.

Go over them ingredients again. Potato hash? Sweet potato & pumpkin purée? RYE BREAD?! Are Starbucks trying too hard, like a male feminist on Twitter? Let’s find out.

Well the first thing I noticed is how fucking sweaty it is! There’s a further level of packaging in the box and the sandwich is sweating it’s bollocks off in little individual plastic cases for each half of the sandwich. But strangely it isn’t soggy.

The next thing I noticed is that the outlandish combination of ingredients tastes different to anything else I’ve had this festive holiday period. And to be honest, I don’t get it. It’s not horrible, but it definitely tastes like someone rammed the leftovers from a thanksgiving dinner into a sandwich. But that’s not a good old fashionsed British Brexit Christmas dinner is it tho? In fact this is the opposite of the Tesco sandwich. And nothing says ‘Britain in December’ quite like a sandwich that hardly makes any effort and somehow gets away with it because everyone will have forgotten come January now let’s go get pissed.