The calendar has become sentient. It no longer just fills with meetings; it speaks. This morning, I opened it to find an entry titled “Driveway Consultation – 08:00.” I hadn’t scheduled it. Nobody had. Yet there it was, blinking, insisting. The inbox has joined in, sending emails from addresses that don’t exist: drizzle@sky.com, poooracle@driveway.net. Each message is a riddle, each one pointing back to the same place.

The drizzle has thickened into prophecy. It no longer falls randomly; it sketches shapes on the windows, spirals and sigils that match the patterns left outside. I wiped one away, only for another to appear instantly, as if the weather itself is writing.

And then there’s the driveway. Today’s deposit was unmistakable: a spiral crowned with a crude crown. A royal omen. I stood there in the mist, staring at it, and the calendar pinged again: “Ham & Stilton – 12:30.” The driveway has taken control. It knows what sandwich I’m eating before I do.

Today’s sandwich is Glaze & Grain’s Honey Roast Ham & Stilton.

Honey roast ham, stilton, caramelised onion, baguette.

The baguette is firm and crusty, its golden shell cracking under pressure, revealing a soft interior. Inside, slices of honey roast ham are sweet and savoury, their glaze sticky and rich. Stilton adds sharpness, pungent and creamy, overwhelming in its intensity. Caramelised onion bridges the gap, sweet and mellow, binding the extremes together.

The first bite is a clash of sweetness and sharpness. The ham is indulgent, the stilton fiery and insistent, the onion soft and grounding. The baguette holds it all together, sturdy and reliable, a frame for the chaos inside. It’s a sandwich that feels less like food and more like ritual — a crown of flavours, a prophecy fulfilled.

Eating it while drizzle sketches sigils and the driveway delivers omens feels uncanny. The Honey Roast Ham & Stilton doesn’t just distract from the chaos; it participates in it, a sandwich that tastes like prophecy, indulgence, and inevitability.

Tomorrow, the driveway will speak again. The calendar will grow new riddles. The drizzle will write new signs. But for now, the Ham & Stilton offers a moment of indulgent clarity — a sandwich that crowns the madness of December.